Chester Elephant Book Signing

Chester Elephant, illustrious star of the newly released Feltie Tales: Chester Elephant and the Peanut Patch, will be participating in a book signing May 2nd, at the Eugene Saturday Market. Chester invites Feltie fans of all ages and species; photography will be allowed, and he also welcomes offerings of peanut-related products.

This is Chester's first major role as a book character. His previous acting experience includes the one-pachyderm play, Melancholy: An Elephant Never Forgets, and Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream (as Bottom). I shall never forget Melancholy's opening night, at which point I was the drama critic for the Feltie World News, and was moved to tears by Chester's performance as the lame circus performer turned peanut oil addict. I was particularly touched by the line, "I can still hear the applause of the delighted crowd, and the sound of rogue peanuts hitting the circus tent floor" -- [sob]. Bravo, my friend. Bravo.

Mammoth Discovered Under Feltie Forest

Dinah, Punky and Nate Mammoth

A woolly mammoth was uncovered last Friday by Abigail and Morty Mole. Nate Mammoth had been asleep in a bog under the Feltie Forest for thousands of years.

"We had just gotten most of our tunnel network completed when the tunnels collapsed under the weight of an enormous beast," Morty explained. "Imagine our shock when we realized it was a mammoth!"

Luckily, aside from a stiff rump from lying in one position for so long, Nate was otherwise in good health. He was surprised to find out how much had changed since he was last awake. And at first he was worried that he was the last of his kind, until Abigail informed him that
two young mammoths had recently been discovered floating on an iceberg in the northernmost Feltie Sea. The two baby mammoths had been encased in ice for ages, until a glacier calved and their icy prison melted.

Upon being introduced to Nate, the wee mammoths cried,"Uncle!" Nate Mammoth was excited to find his niece, Dinah, and nephew, Punky, alive and well. The three now make their home in the Feltie Forest.
In an act of good will, Nate also redug tunnels for the moles with his tusks.

Feltie Editor Takes Sick Days

Nigel Wappett III has requested and received several days off in order to recover from a virulent form of Spring Fever that has recently swept through the Feltie Forest. Dogs have given up barking, pigs have left off oinking, and the owl librarians have even stopped shelving books. The nymphs and dryads have been dancing about in complete abandon, singing odes to warmer weather and flower buds. Several fauns were caught having a water fight in the center park fountain.

Elvin law enforcement officials stated that it's the worse case of Spring Fever they've ever seen, but due to lethargy have declined to arrest anyone for public hijinks. Nigel is expected to get well soon, and following his complete recovery will immediately resume his editing duties.

Pygmy Penguins Arrive in Feltie Forest

Sources in Feltie Forest have confirmed the sighting of a whole waddle of mini Penguins. The tiny cold-weather birds have made a nest for themselves at the base of a gunnysuckle tree. Less than 4 inches high, they can be heard warbling show tunes every Monday morning at 6 am. Although they seem a friendly lot, they declined to be interviewed for this blog as they are modest and do not want to attract too much attention.

Those Felties or humans interested in meeting the penguins should visit earth on April 4th at the Eugene Saturday Market, where the penguins will be visiting in order to adopt human families. Please watch your feet, so that you do not inadvertently trample the little fellows.

Chester Elephant's Photo Shoot Nears Completion

Chester Elephant's publicist, Georgina Ladybug, announced today that her client will be completing his photo shoot Wednesday. The photos, carefully crafted by (human) David Barajas with set design by (also human) Max Hisamoto, are to be featured in a children's book expected in April.

In an officially released statement, Chester enthuses, "It was much less difficult to hold one position than I thought. Probably because I was being constantly entertained by David's terrible puns. A zanier photographer, I have never met, but he is nevertheless a skilled professional."

Feltie World News Exclusive: The first official still from Chester Elephant and the Peanut Patch.

Excerpt: 'Strongly Felt'

In this exclusive excerpt from the Feltie World newsletter, a young Nigel Wappet (moi) takes on a Feltie University guest lecturer, the slow speaking (and everything) Ms. Amanda Tuckback Sloth. The argument stemmed from my qualms with her interpretation of Feltie history, and her insistance that Felties had no business to expect positive and safe interactions with humans.

....
“Because,” old Ms. Tuckback said, “there are no laws protecting Felties in the human world, whereas in the Feltie world we have plenty of laws protecting humans.”

“And that seems fair to you?” I said, in disbelief. I had already made the mistake of failing to recognize that we were arguing two different things: Ms. Tuckback was debating information as it was and I was debating ideals, that is, the information as I thought it should be. Not recognizing the uselessness of this exercise, I railed on, beginning to slobber in my frenzy: “This, this I cannot abide! It all smacks of a sad disregard for yourself and others! Where is your pride, madam? Your sense of justice?”

“On the contrary,” said Ms. Tuckback. She surveyed me coolly, hanging upside down with infinite patience and tact -- qualities, it must be said, that I sorely lacked in this situation. “I have a ve-e-ery high regard for myself and Feltiekind.... Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered with ye-e-ears of painstaking research, you see? I wrote this boo-oo-ook for Feltiekind --"

“To tell them they are limited and weak!” I yelped. “To hedge in their prospects and condemn the notion of human-Feltie harmony!”

At this point many people were pointing and giggling at me, which was quite understandable, as I was causing quite a sudden and ridiculous scene. My only explanation for my outburst is that after many years I had finally tapped into a long-held feeling in my little felted heart, a feeling which I was only now able to lend expression to. It was as if doorways leading to prospects of principled love, justice, and responsibility were opening inside of me.... It is a great irony, of course, that in the process of realizing this I felt it necessary to start barking and growling at someone. So please, do try and remember, I was only a young school pup then....

To read the opening and concluding portions of my article, please read the March 15th edition of the Feltie World News.

Roger Feltieman: The FA's Not-So-Anonymous Founder Speaks Out

Felties Anonymous, a new support group dedicated to providing human-dependent Felties a safe haven for therapeutic discussion, held its first official meeting yesterday at the Feltie Embassy in Eugene, OR (USA, Earth). I sat down with founder Roger Feltieman, a long-time Feltie rights activist, to discuss his new program.

Ironically, it was R. Feltieman's desire to help others that led him to start FA, where the Felties' problems generally revolve around their over-eagerness to solve humans' problems. "So many Felties contact the Embassy," explains Feltieman, "saying they have lost the optimistic verve they first brought to the human world. They come here hoping to bring happiness and love to humankind, only to find themselves overwhelmed by the fear and sadness of the human condition."

While some Felties manage to help humans help themselves, others end up feeling exhausted and discouraged. It is these Felties in particular whom Feltieman seeks to help through FA. Their problem (officially identified as Over Giving without Limits, or OGL ), is defined as a compulsive need to support others emotionally, often to the detriment of their own well-being. FA offers Felties with OGL three steps to regain personal equilibrium, which include:

1. Decide you need to take steps.

2. Accept that it is impossible to help those unwilling to help themselves.

3. Be willing to assist others only to the extent that it does not damage your own health and happiness.

Roger Feltieman, shortly before the advent of the first FA meeting.

Feltieman is confident in his program, and enthuses that the steps "already seem to be helping numerous FA members", but adds that there are some extreme circumstances in which the final step should not be applied to one's life. "If, for example," he explains, "there is a risk that you may singe your wool while rescuing a baby from a burning building, it would certainly be more noble to take the risk. But in usual daily life, most Felties make themselves overly-available to humans and do not set proper boundaries."

If you are a Feltie who fears they suffer from OGL, or would merely like to talk to other Felties about your troubles, please contact the Feltie Embassy nearest you for the date and time of their next FA meeting.