Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Excerpt: 'Strongly Felt'

In this exclusive excerpt from the Feltie World newsletter, a young Nigel Wappet (moi) takes on a Feltie University guest lecturer, the slow speaking (and everything) Ms. Amanda Tuckback Sloth. The argument stemmed from my qualms with her interpretation of Feltie history, and her insistance that Felties had no business to expect positive and safe interactions with humans.

“Because,” old Ms. Tuckback said, “there are no laws protecting Felties in the human world, whereas in the Feltie world we have plenty of laws protecting humans.”

“And that seems fair to you?” I said, in disbelief. I had already made the mistake of failing to recognize that we were arguing two different things: Ms. Tuckback was debating information as it was and I was debating ideals, that is, the information as I thought it should be. Not recognizing the uselessness of this exercise, I railed on, beginning to slobber in my frenzy: “This, this I cannot abide! It all smacks of a sad disregard for yourself and others! Where is your pride, madam? Your sense of justice?”

“On the contrary,” said Ms. Tuckback. She surveyed me coolly, hanging upside down with infinite patience and tact -- qualities, it must be said, that I sorely lacked in this situation. “I have a ve-e-ery high regard for myself and Feltiekind.... Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered with ye-e-ears of painstaking research, you see? I wrote this boo-oo-ook for Feltiekind --"

“To tell them they are limited and weak!” I yelped. “To hedge in their prospects and condemn the notion of human-Feltie harmony!”

At this point many people were pointing and giggling at me, which was quite understandable, as I was causing quite a sudden and ridiculous scene. My only explanation for my outburst is that after many years I had finally tapped into a long-held feeling in my little felted heart, a feeling which I was only now able to lend expression to. It was as if doorways leading to prospects of principled love, justice, and responsibility were opening inside of me.... It is a great irony, of course, that in the process of realizing this I felt it necessary to start barking and growling at someone. So please, do try and remember, I was only a young school pup then....

To read the opening and concluding portions of my article, please read the March 15th edition of the Feltie World News.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Roger Feltieman: The FA's Not-So-Anonymous Founder Speaks Out

Felties Anonymous, a new support group dedicated to providing human-dependent Felties a safe haven for therapeutic discussion, held its first official meeting yesterday at the Feltie Embassy in Eugene, OR (USA, Earth). I sat down with founder Roger Feltieman, a long-time Feltie rights activist, to discuss his new program.

Ironically, it was R. Feltieman's desire to help others that led him to start FA, where the Felties' problems generally revolve around their over-eagerness to solve humans' problems. "So many Felties contact the Embassy," explains Feltieman, "saying they have lost the optimistic verve they first brought to the human world. They come here hoping to bring happiness and love to humankind, only to find themselves overwhelmed by the fear and sadness of the human condition."

While some Felties manage to help humans help themselves, others end up feeling exhausted and discouraged. It is these Felties in particular whom Feltieman seeks to help through FA. Their problem (officially identified as Over Giving without Limits, or OGL ), is defined as a compulsive need to support others emotionally, often to the detriment of their own well-being. FA offers Felties with OGL three steps to regain personal equilibrium, which include:

1. Decide you need to take steps.

2. Accept that it is impossible to help those unwilling to help themselves.

3. Be willing to assist others only to the extent that it does not damage your own health and happiness.

Roger Feltieman, shortly before the advent of the first FA meeting.

Feltieman is confident in his program, and enthuses that the steps "already seem to be helping numerous FA members", but adds that there are some extreme circumstances in which the final step should not be applied to one's life. "If, for example," he explains, "there is a risk that you may singe your wool while rescuing a baby from a burning building, it would certainly be more noble to take the risk. But in usual daily life, most Felties make themselves overly-available to humans and do not set proper boundaries."

If you are a Feltie who fears they suffer from OGL, or would merely like to talk to other Felties about your troubles, please contact the Feltie Embassy nearest you for the date and time of their next FA meeting.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Chester Elephant to Star in Children's Book

Feltie Publishing Company announced today that Chester Elephant, the young pachyderm responsible for Feltie Forest's plentiful peanut crop, will be the main subject of an upcoming children's book. The mini-novel, written by a human, has yet to be given an official title.

Chester tangos with his Great Aunt Margo.

Although no final print date has yet been established, both the story and background sets have been completed, and Chester will be sitting for the photographic portion of the book starting this Thursday. According to new investigative research conducted by moi, libraries all over the Feltie World are eagerly anticipating Chester's print debut.

Printed Version of Feltie World News to Feature Special Editorial, "Strongly Felt"

I am delighted to inform readers that a new article detailing my association with the Feltie rights movement, "Strongly Felt", will be featured in the March 15th edition of the Feltie World Newsletter. The newsletter will be available to subscribers via the post, and starting March 15th, the more internet-inclined can read it at the "Feltie Newsletter" link on elielfionn.com (where you can also subscribe).

An exclusive excerpt of the article will be featured on this blog next week, and I hope you enjoy reliving my puppyish activist days as much as I enjoyed them on the first go-around. Tally-ho!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Frida Kahlo Feltie Visits Human World

Longtime friends of Frida Kahlo Feltie announced today that she has at long last left her studio and ventured out into the human world. Frida is planning to visit many of the most famous art museums in the world, view the seven wonders, and take a taxi ride in New York City while eating a bagel with lox and cream cheese. Frida plans to paint an enormous mural depicting her adventures, which will be put on display at the Feltie Art Gallery for generations to enjoy. Have a wonderful time in the human world, Frida!