Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Positive End to 2009

I would like to take this opportunity to wish happy human holidays to all of those Felties who have relocated to the human world during the last two months. Feltie World News reported a record number of adoptions this season, especially among the more unusual Felties, like goblins, gnomes and sasquatches. Congratulations to all! May you be very happy during your stay.

Surely it is a positive sign that humans are responding to Felties despite their skin color, horns, or other unhuman aspects. While humans continue to deny each other rights based on age, color, gender, socioeconomic status, and beliefs, they are beginning to demonstrate better behavior at least toward the Felties in their midst. Every small kindness is a step toward greater compassion.

In other news, the Feltie Dryad Association held their annual Solstice fest after laying to rest the remainder of their fallen leaves in an enormous bonfire. Mead and honey ale were consumed in great quantities and the food, provided by Chef Cormac Cormorant, was superb. Toasts were drunk to the bounty and good fortune of the new year, and every Feltie present made their wish for the upcoming year by tossing a pair of old shoes into the bonfire. (For those unaquainted with the custom, old shoes are burnt to symbolize paths no longer trod, and the new shoes made by Harry Hornblopper, resident cobbler, are meant to take the wearer on to trails of great adventure). May you all find new roads to travel in the upcoming year!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Feltie Founder Celebrates Birthday

The entire Feltie World would like to wish Max Feltiemaker many happy returns of the day for tomorrow, Oct. 3rd. Max's tireless efforts on behalf of Felties everywhere, particularly the mammoths, bunnies, squirrels, and pirate Felties, have not gone unnoticed. The Felties have established Max as a member of the Feltie Hall of Fame with all of the rights and benefits therein. Congratulations and best wishes on a fulfilling next year to Max!

There will be a special party for Max on Sunday to commemorate this event. Much food and desserts will be served, and all Felties are welcome.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Preparations For Fall Fest Underway

When the first of October rolls around every year, Felties begin readying themselves and the Forest for a festive ritual to lay summer to rest and celebrate the beauty of autumn. The festivities begin with a sacred spiral swaying of the trees, followed by juggling monkeys, acrobatic rhinos, poetry readings, and several well known bands which perform original songs. A great feast follows, with every kind of food and drink imaginable.

According to Elmera Dryad, Feltie Forest's first grand fall festival took place 25 centuries ago when a group of faeries decided to perk up the trees, who had been losing their leafy children for weeks and were weeping copious amounts of sap everywhere. To get the tree's minds off their losses, the faeries began an impromptu dance with refreshment and much ale. The trees were so moved and entertained with the festivities, they proposed hosting a celebration each year at the same time. Every Feltie is invited, and visitors are always welcome.

See you at the celebration!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

New Editor Settling In

I want to thank all of those Felties who have given me such a warm welcome to the Feltie World News Blog, and I wish to bid Nigel Wappett III hopspeed on his new journey to the halls of academia. Best wishes!

On to Feltie World News, it has come to my attention that many old timers in the Feltie Forest are undergoing wool grafts to heal old gouges and thin areas in their pelts, and I wish them a speedy recovery time. Having lost an eye in my old pirating days, I know what it is like to live with a long term injury. Although I have not elected to undergo an eye transplant myself, I understand the urge to do so. I know there are those who believe such surgery is unnecessary and the whole subject raises vanity issues, but I believe it is not another's place to interfere in such matters, unless the safety of the Feltie undergoing the procedure is in question.

There have been many more incidences of trees releaving themselves in the Feltie Forest this month. Despite the advent of autumn, many Feltie Trees have grown new leaves even after their old ones have dropped. This odd rebirth has been occurring more frequently in later years and is believed to be a sign of global warming. Trees are retaining their leaves well into winter, and the extreme cold appears to be hard on the little leaflings. In response to their suffering, Abigail Ostrich has recruited several knitting fowl to make branch warmers for the trees. Thank you Abigail!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Nigel Wappett Quits Blog

Our esteemed editor, Nigel Wappett, recently announced that he will be returning to the collegiate life, pursuing an additional degree in Arts and Film. Nigel may consider doing brief vignettes of college life from a canine perspective, but such contributions will depend upon his work load.

"I hate to leave my fans bereft, but I'm just not sure I'll have the time to blog properly. I would like to thank my readers for their support and loyalty, and hope that my replacement, T. Harrington Bunny, receives as gracious a welcome. Thank you all so very much, and tallyho!"

T. Harrington Bunny, a graduate of Feltie University, holds a bachelor's degree in Journalism, a masters in Pschology, and a doctorate in Ethics. His thesis, The Ethics of Fertility, has been a bestread book throughout the Feltie World, as well as being required reading for bunnies everywhere. T. Harrington will be taking over for Nigel as early as next week. Welcome, T. Harrington!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Chester Elephant Book Signing

Chester Elephant, illustrious star of the newly released Feltie Tales: Chester Elephant and the Peanut Patch, will be participating in a book signing May 2nd, at the Eugene Saturday Market. Chester invites Feltie fans of all ages and species; photography will be allowed, and he also welcomes offerings of peanut-related products.

This is Chester's first major role as a book character. His previous acting experience includes the one-pachyderm play, Melancholy: An Elephant Never Forgets, and Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream (as Bottom). I shall never forget Melancholy's opening night, at which point I was the drama critic for the Feltie World News, and was moved to tears by Chester's performance as the lame circus performer turned peanut oil addict. I was particularly touched by the line, "I can still hear the applause of the delighted crowd, and the sound of rogue peanuts hitting the circus tent floor" -- [sob]. Bravo, my friend. Bravo.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Mammoth Discovered Under Feltie Forest

Dinah, Punky and Nate Mammoth

A woolly mammoth was uncovered last Friday by Abigail and Morty Mole. Nate Mammoth had been asleep in a bog under the Feltie Forest for thousands of years.

"We had just gotten most of our tunnel network completed when the tunnels collapsed under the weight of an enormous beast," Morty explained. "Imagine our shock when we realized it was a mammoth!"

Luckily, aside from a stiff rump from lying in one position for so long, Nate was otherwise in good health. He was surprised to find out how much had changed since he was last awake. And at first he was worried that he was the last of his kind, until Abigail informed him that
two young mammoths had recently been discovered floating on an iceberg in the northernmost Feltie Sea. The two baby mammoths had been encased in ice for ages, until a glacier calved and their icy prison melted.

Upon being introduced to Nate, the wee mammoths cried,"Uncle!" Nate Mammoth was excited to find his niece, Dinah, and nephew, Punky, alive and well. The three now make their home in the Feltie Forest.
In an act of good will, Nate also redug tunnels for the moles with his tusks.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Feltie Editor Takes Sick Days

Nigel Wappett III has requested and received several days off in order to recover from a virulent form of Spring Fever that has recently swept through the Feltie Forest. Dogs have given up barking, pigs have left off oinking, and the owl librarians have even stopped shelving books. The nymphs and dryads have been dancing about in complete abandon, singing odes to warmer weather and flower buds. Several fauns were caught having a water fight in the center park fountain.

Elvin law enforcement officials stated that it's the worse case of Spring Fever they've ever seen, but due to lethargy have declined to arrest anyone for public hijinks. Nigel is expected to get well soon, and following his complete recovery will immediately resume his editing duties.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Pygmy Penguins Arrive in Feltie Forest

Sources in Feltie Forest have confirmed the sighting of a whole waddle of mini Penguins. The tiny cold-weather birds have made a nest for themselves at the base of a gunnysuckle tree. Less than 4 inches high, they can be heard warbling show tunes every Monday morning at 6 am. Although they seem a friendly lot, they declined to be interviewed for this blog as they are modest and do not want to attract too much attention.

Those Felties or humans interested in meeting the penguins should visit earth on April 4th at the Eugene Saturday Market, where the penguins will be visiting in order to adopt human families. Please watch your feet, so that you do not inadvertently trample the little fellows.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Chester Elephant's Photo Shoot Nears Completion

Chester Elephant's publicist, Georgina Ladybug, announced today that her client will be completing his photo shoot Wednesday. The photos, carefully crafted by (human) David Barajas with set design by (also human) Max Hisamoto, are to be featured in a children's book expected in April.

In an officially released statement, Chester enthuses, "It was much less difficult to hold one position than I thought. Probably because I was being constantly entertained by David's terrible puns. A zanier photographer, I have never met, but he is nevertheless a skilled professional."

Feltie World News Exclusive: The first official still from Chester Elephant and the Peanut Patch.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Excerpt: 'Strongly Felt'

In this exclusive excerpt from the Feltie World newsletter, a young Nigel Wappet (moi) takes on a Feltie University guest lecturer, the slow speaking (and everything) Ms. Amanda Tuckback Sloth. The argument stemmed from my qualms with her interpretation of Feltie history, and her insistance that Felties had no business to expect positive and safe interactions with humans.

....
“Because,” old Ms. Tuckback said, “there are no laws protecting Felties in the human world, whereas in the Feltie world we have plenty of laws protecting humans.”

“And that seems fair to you?” I said, in disbelief. I had already made the mistake of failing to recognize that we were arguing two different things: Ms. Tuckback was debating information as it was and I was debating ideals, that is, the information as I thought it should be. Not recognizing the uselessness of this exercise, I railed on, beginning to slobber in my frenzy: “This, this I cannot abide! It all smacks of a sad disregard for yourself and others! Where is your pride, madam? Your sense of justice?”

“On the contrary,” said Ms. Tuckback. She surveyed me coolly, hanging upside down with infinite patience and tact -- qualities, it must be said, that I sorely lacked in this situation. “I have a ve-e-ery high regard for myself and Feltiekind.... Otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered with ye-e-ears of painstaking research, you see? I wrote this boo-oo-ook for Feltiekind --"

“To tell them they are limited and weak!” I yelped. “To hedge in their prospects and condemn the notion of human-Feltie harmony!”

At this point many people were pointing and giggling at me, which was quite understandable, as I was causing quite a sudden and ridiculous scene. My only explanation for my outburst is that after many years I had finally tapped into a long-held feeling in my little felted heart, a feeling which I was only now able to lend expression to. It was as if doorways leading to prospects of principled love, justice, and responsibility were opening inside of me.... It is a great irony, of course, that in the process of realizing this I felt it necessary to start barking and growling at someone. So please, do try and remember, I was only a young school pup then....

To read the opening and concluding portions of my article, please read the March 15th edition of the Feltie World News.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Roger Feltieman: The FA's Not-So-Anonymous Founder Speaks Out

Felties Anonymous, a new support group dedicated to providing human-dependent Felties a safe haven for therapeutic discussion, held its first official meeting yesterday at the Feltie Embassy in Eugene, OR (USA, Earth). I sat down with founder Roger Feltieman, a long-time Feltie rights activist, to discuss his new program.

Ironically, it was R. Feltieman's desire to help others that led him to start FA, where the Felties' problems generally revolve around their over-eagerness to solve humans' problems. "So many Felties contact the Embassy," explains Feltieman, "saying they have lost the optimistic verve they first brought to the human world. They come here hoping to bring happiness and love to humankind, only to find themselves overwhelmed by the fear and sadness of the human condition."

While some Felties manage to help humans help themselves, others end up feeling exhausted and discouraged. It is these Felties in particular whom Feltieman seeks to help through FA. Their problem (officially identified as Over Giving without Limits, or OGL ), is defined as a compulsive need to support others emotionally, often to the detriment of their own well-being. FA offers Felties with OGL three steps to regain personal equilibrium, which include:

1. Decide you need to take steps.

2. Accept that it is impossible to help those unwilling to help themselves.

3. Be willing to assist others only to the extent that it does not damage your own health and happiness.

Roger Feltieman, shortly before the advent of the first FA meeting.

Feltieman is confident in his program, and enthuses that the steps "already seem to be helping numerous FA members", but adds that there are some extreme circumstances in which the final step should not be applied to one's life. "If, for example," he explains, "there is a risk that you may singe your wool while rescuing a baby from a burning building, it would certainly be more noble to take the risk. But in usual daily life, most Felties make themselves overly-available to humans and do not set proper boundaries."

If you are a Feltie who fears they suffer from OGL, or would merely like to talk to other Felties about your troubles, please contact the Feltie Embassy nearest you for the date and time of their next FA meeting.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Chester Elephant to Star in Children's Book

Feltie Publishing Company announced today that Chester Elephant, the young pachyderm responsible for Feltie Forest's plentiful peanut crop, will be the main subject of an upcoming children's book. The mini-novel, written by a human, has yet to be given an official title.

Chester tangos with his Great Aunt Margo.

Although no final print date has yet been established, both the story and background sets have been completed, and Chester will be sitting for the photographic portion of the book starting this Thursday. According to new investigative research conducted by moi, libraries all over the Feltie World are eagerly anticipating Chester's print debut.


Printed Version of Feltie World News to Feature Special Editorial, "Strongly Felt"

I am delighted to inform readers that a new article detailing my association with the Feltie rights movement, "Strongly Felt", will be featured in the March 15th edition of the Feltie World Newsletter. The newsletter will be available to subscribers via the post, and starting March 15th, the more internet-inclined can read it at the "Feltie Newsletter" link on elielfionn.com (where you can also subscribe).

An exclusive excerpt of the article will be featured on this blog next week, and I hope you enjoy reliving my puppyish activist days as much as I enjoyed them on the first go-around. Tally-ho!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Frida Kahlo Feltie Visits Human World



Longtime friends of Frida Kahlo Feltie announced today that she has at long last left her studio and ventured out into the human world. Frida is planning to visit many of the most famous art museums in the world, view the seven wonders, and take a taxi ride in New York City while eating a bagel with lox and cream cheese. Frida plans to paint an enormous mural depicting her adventures, which will be put on display at the Feltie Art Gallery for generations to enjoy. Have a wonderful time in the human world, Frida!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Etsy Felties Seek Adoption

One of our primary Feltie Adoption Agencies is currently seeking prospective parents and host families for baby and adult Felties alike! If you would like to provide a home for a Feltie in need, you can view adoptees at this link: Eliel's Felties.

Devorah Dolphin Goes on Vacation

Devorah Dolphin accompanied her human companion Louise, of Silly Dolphin Jewelry, to a craft fair in Florence, Oregon last weekend. The Feltie World News was given an exclusive glimpse into the duo's photo travelogue.

Devorah chills to the White Stripes while Louise prepares for their trip.


Devorah visits fellow fair-goers and checks out the art displays.


Daring Devorah politely nibbles a Space Bunny from www.practicalrabbit.com; no word on whether Devorah experienced any retaliation.


Devorah checked out the other booths, endeared herself to everyone she met (except perhaps the Space Bunny), and was so tired that she ended the day by getting lots of cetacean beauty sleep.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Owl Couple Renews Vows In Frenetic Soiree


The Feltie Forest was alive with much noise and merriment as Eglantine and Gervey Owl celebrated fifty years of marriage. It was the most elaborate vow renewal ceremony Feltoria has ever seen, including dancing bears, juggling monkey acrobats, karaoke, and giraffe slides for the young ones. The food was catered by the Wayfaring Stork Fine Dining Establishment, and drinks were provided by Albert's Ale House.

After years of searching for someone to build a nest with, Eglantine met Gervey while attending a singles' potluck, and it was love at first whoo. In honor of their love for one another, the couple have dedicated their lives to simplifying other birds' search for partnership. Just five years after meeting, Eglantine and Gervey co-founded the Inter-Migratory Mating Service, which is in operation to this day. The lovebirds have helped find mates for five thousand lonely fowl.

When asked what their secret to a long, successful relationship is, Eglantine and Gervey prescribe a healthy dose of kindness and respect for each others' opinions. "We try to work through our problems honestly and quickly," says Eglantine. "We never go to bed with our feathers ruffled." And of course, adds Gervey, "Cuddle often."

The couple's children, Harz, Tid, and Mildy, capped the festivities by presenting their parents with tickets for an exotic cruise to the islands of Woolania. Bon voyage, Eglantine and Gervey!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Patches Dog Adopted: Looks Forward To Chasing Tail Around Big Apple

Patches Dog recently boarded a plane for his new home in New York state. Born on the West Coast, Patches has never traveled more than a mile from his birthplace, and is eagerly awaiting his big adventure on the East Coast.

Patches has heard many delicious tales of fragrant dumpsters replete with the week-old remnants of deep-dish pizza, New York-style bagels, and Coney Island hotdogs. He's also looking forward to playing frisbee in Central Park with his new human family.

Having traveled extensively throughout New York state myself, I know there will be plenty of activity to keep Patches' adventurous personality happily occupied. Tally-ho, my friend. Tally-ho.

Carlotta Elephant In Recovery

Carlotta Elephant has successfully undergone reconstructive surgery after a violent attack by a predatory canine. Carlotta suffered a complete dismemberment shortly after arriving at her new human home, and is now expected to make a full recovery.

It took one Feltie Surgeon over two hours to stuff Carlotta's fluff back into place. She is now in treatment for Post-Traumatic Wool Disorder, but while she may have some way to go before she can put her ordeal behind her, Carlotta faces her future with a positive outlook. Or, as she puts it, "At least all of my limbs are once again at home on my torso."

Carlotta is experiencing some trepidation at re-entering the home where the attack took place, although certain precautions are being taken for her safety.

This editor would like to wish Carlotta all the luck in the world as she attempts to regain her peace of mind, and encourages all Felties and their human friends to report violent attacks on Felties to www.elielfionn.com, where you can schedule an emergency appointment in the Feltie Trauma Ward at Feltie Infirmary.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Hamish and Gracie Owl Relocate to East Coast


Hamish and Gracie owl have recently moved from Portland, OR, to their new home in Pennsylvania. They are accompanied by a human and canine companion.

The two lovebirds met last year and immediately began nesting.

Good luck in your new habitat!

Photo courtesy of the superlative Ms. Page Nolker.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Territorial Pumpkins

Special Correspondent/Documentarian Max Hisamoto has submitted this raw live footage of territorial Feltie pumpkins defending their place in the patch. Watch the drama unfold....

video

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Welcome To Feltie World News Online

Greetings to all my fellow Felties, and to any simpatico humans who may have chanced upon our new blog! Through this online outlet, we hope to enlighten our readers with news of the Feltie World and beyond. We look forward to this blog being a diverse place where Feltie and human contributors can come together to post stories, editorials on current events, and general musings on all things human, animal and Feltie.

I'm Nigel Wappet III (Esquire), longtime Editor in Chief of the printed version of Feltie World News, and successful investigative journalist (if I do say so myself). If you would like to make a contribution to this blog, such as a news update on the status of your Feltie, please feel free to email us at www.elielfionn.com with "Feltie World News Blog" in the title section, or simply leave a comment on any of our posts.

Cheerio, tally-ho, and may you enjoy life's many adventures.

Nigel Wappet III (Esquire)

Humans Deny Felties Exist

In a bizarre turn of events, local Felties were informed that according to many human beings, they not only have no feelings, but do not truly exist.

“It’s downright sad,” said the mayor of Feltie Forest, Harley Roadhopper. “We create them out of the goodness of our hearts, and they turn around and pretend we aren’t real. Talk about ungrateful!”

“I think it’s disgraceful,” commented Justine the sheep। "This will mean even less respect for Feltie Folk all over the world. I mean, we know humans need help, but for Feltie’s sake, aren’t they confused about their own importance!”

As Agata Plopple wisely commented, “Thank goodness our existence is not dependent on their idea of reality.”

The mayor has called a town meeting to discuss this improbable problem. He is encouraging all concerned Feltie citizens to attend, particularly those who have a lot of experience traveling throughout the human world.